Look, it’s Youtube
Aug 27th, 2010 by pfi
A short youtube clip that is relevant to this website’s audience:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8Yry3ZXaB0
(WP is having embedding issues, so just enjoy the link!)
Taking a Leave of Absence
Oct 1st, 2009 by pfi
Accountants effectively work for less than minimum wage, interns excepted. When they aren’t working large hours, accountants are taking vacation in large chunks. Even if an accountant has used up all their vacation to study for their CPA license, they can still take a leave of absence (“LOA”) to take more time off.
As much as accountants love their jobs (they don’t), they love their leave of absences more. A LOA is a good chance for accountants to do something that non-accountants enjoy, such as travelling throughout Europe and/or Asia. Note that a LOA would be equally valid if spent all day on a couch avoiding exercise and sunlight through the television.
As you can imagine, it’s painful for accountants to return to work after an extended LOA. In fact, it’s a testament to the iron willpower accountants possess every time they return to work after a single day holiday. Like non-accountants, accountants dread returning to work – only more so as they are accountants who spend everyday performing magic tricks in Excel. This is why a 3 week LOA travelling the world often results in the obvious revelation that accountants do not want their crazy hours. After a LOA, many accountants never actually return to their positions because they’ve remembered what it feels like to have a life.
This post, besides bashing the accounting profession, is a good way to segue into my own LOA. It’s important for everyone to do what truly interests them. Frankly, as many haters and fans as this site has welcomed, it’s no longer interesting for me. Who knows how long this LOA will last, but hey, busy season is coming up. Workpapers need to be prepopulated. Coffee needs to be consumed. Etc. Etc.
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#50 Alcohol
Sep 16th, 2009 by pfi
All accountants are alcoholics. An alcoholic is a person who by definition cannot get enough alcohol and constantly seeks more. Not surprisingly, this fits all accountants, from those who drink by themselves to those who are always dressed for the club while at work.
Throughout college, accountants grew up on beer. A few of them even took classes on viticulture, which qualifies them as wine experts after two quarters worth of courses. When they have graduated to the workforce, accountants drink beer at company socials, partake of wine at dinners, and down shots at recruiting events. Note that when a company limits drinks at these events, accountants wind up that much more wasted.
From the days of the classroom to the conference room, accountants can drink. Not only can they drink, but accountants are among the most productive professionals after drinking. That is to say, while most people need to recover the next day, you will find accountants at work early the next day. This post-hangover productivity is well practiced by accountants during annual training where they stay out all night and sit in all day.
While accountants receive decent salaries, this does not stop accountants from making up their self-perceived undercompensation with liquid paychecks. Accountants are able to receive a constant supply of free booze from company functions and recruiting events.
Accountants tend to be risk averse individuals. As such, companies provide accountants with a safe cab policy. This policy is that although accountants should drink in moderation, a cab ride home is covered by the company with no questions asked.
If an accountant insists that they don’t drink, you can bet that they are able to drink you under the table. If you want to impress an accountant, simply figure out what kind of alcohol they prefer the most. You can be confident that your gift will be put to good use.
#49 Taking Airborne
Sep 9th, 2009 by pfi
With H1N1 in the news, accountants are not taking any chances. Accountants are buying Airborne under the impression that it confers some sort of benefits. The amazing thing is that it is not even peak flu season, AKA winter, yet.
Preventative medication is important as accountants are too busy to ever go to the doctor, let alone ever get sick. Seeing a doctor or having less time for workpapers is not an option. The reality (as harsh as it is) is that sick people get bad performance reviews and don’t stay with the company as long. That is why getting sick carries a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. This means, if an accountant gets sick, they need to work through the pain. Yes, this is truly a sign of progressive work-life balance in practice.
Instead of following common sense – such as exposure to sunlight daily, exercising regularly, and eating healthy – accountants rely on a concoction of Airborne and mineral water for their health needs. Accountants will buy tubes and tubes of this stuff despite unsubstantiated benefits.
Airborne also doesn’t address the actual cause of illness during busy season: a lack of sleep in cubicles (read: close proximity) with other accountants who are also highly susceptible to illness due to bad practices (no exercise, repetitive tasks, etc).
Airborne’s taste is subjective, but that doesn’t mean it tastes great. Have you heard of Redbull? That is another product accountants depend on, and it’s not for the taste.
If an accountant is feeling unwell, you should offer them some genuine advice as a friend. Tell them to put down the Airborne and get more than 4 hours of sleep.
#48 Free Wi-Fi
Sep 4th, 2009 by pfi
While accountants have money, they didn’t get this way by paying $10 for Wi-Fi.
Accountants are more wired up than a Christmas tree. Fact. As such, an accountant lugs around their smartphone, laptop, and iPod everywhere. Using free Wi-Fi allows them to check Facebook, Perez Hilton, and e-mail (if time allows).
Free wi-fi can come from many sources. Reputable sources include coffee shops, sandwich places, and bookstores. Less credible Wi-Fi hotspots include hotel networks, unsecured office Wi-Fi, or an apartment neighbor’s router. As long as accountants are able to get a connection, they are not picky.
Typical company guidelines forbid connecting to these unsecure connections. This makes sense as working on and sharing confidential documents over a risky network can ruin everything. The reason accountants ignore company policy is for the same reason that laptop locks are never used. It’s inconvenient and besides nothing bad will ever happen to them.
Accountants also tend to have a college student mentality guiding their decisions. If it works and it’s free, so much the better. This also fits in well with company provided alcohol and office perks.
Accountants will always appreciate free Wi-Fi. There is no known instance in history (unrecorded or recorded) where an accountant turned down free internet – whether to check Facebook or Outlook. So you can imagine how persistent accountants get locating free Wi-Fi. Even if their battery was dying in an airport terminal, an accountant would try the aptly titled “FRee W1r3less N0w” and all ten other networks within range.
If you want to get rid of an accountant, just tell them that they can get a better Wi-Fi signal in the room to the right of the elevator that’s next to the snack room. If the Wi-Fi doesn’t pan out, they’ll be busy working on the pantry.
SAL Update: Facebook Page
Aug 27th, 2009 by admin
Today is Thursday, or just one day away from Friday. This is a good thing.
A few updates:
- The Stuff Accountants Like facebook page has been setup.
- You should follow @accountantslike on twitter to get more frequent updates.
- We take for granted all the terminology (comments, workpapers, etc.) at SAL. For those who don’t have an accounting background, it can be difficult to follow along, so here’s a mini-glossary.
#47 Status Updates
Aug 19th, 2009 by pfi
Similar to maintaining the pending list, accountants are endlessly preparing, updating, and reporting their current status.
If you thought twitter asking “What are you doing?” gets old, just try and imagine working with accountants who constantly ask what are you doing all day long. It is important for accountants to set action items and get status updates approximately 100 times a day.
As to be expected with anything accountants work on, accountants lose the plot very easily. That is, accountants spend more time figuring out what is going on than actually getting things done. In this case, accountants who micromanage and ask for non-stop status updates have the lost the plot since nothing ever gets done. Correction, nothing ever gets done but the status is kept up to date.
Status updates tend to carry over to accountants’ social lives. Have you ever noticed that your accountant friends update their facebook status incessantly? Don’t blame the accountants, as it’s just a Pavlovian response to the status box.
If you were to look through an accountant’s e-mail, it would be full of requests for status updates and sent updates to different reporting levels. This is acceptable as accountants don’t need to get any real work done as long as they communicate to higher ups what still needs to be done.
Too many frequent status updates are pointless and hinder efficiency. Instead of constantly micromanaging as accountants do, it would be more effective to have specific goals set out and let capable accountants below them work out the details. A little breathing room to get what needs to be done goes a long way. Note: don’t actually try and explain this to an accountant as it will utterly confuse them.
Accountants are good at updating their status to reflect that other people should be blamed for delays. Throwing people under the bus is the way of life for accountants.
When working with an accountant, you may ask them for a status update, but doing so every 20 minutes would be considered taking advantage of them even though they are used to this.
#46 ID Badges
Aug 12th, 2009 by pfi
Accountants collect ID badges like kids in the late ’90s collected pogs.
An ID badge is typically a card with the accountant’s photo and name on it. This allows access to facilities and parking around the clock.
It’s common for senior accountants to have a deck of ID badges dangling off a retractable clip. Depending how accountants look at it, these badges can represent street credibility. Or these badges can represent the fact that they are on call 7 days a week to work at many locations.
When the ID badges provide an accountant with street cred, ID badges are a form of accountant bling. They can hang around the neck or dangle from the belt like keys.
One phenomenon with accountant ID badges is that the first badge tends to contain a cheerful portrait. This first photo akin to a naive teenager eager to pose for their yearbook. As years go by, the photos taken on badges tend to portray accountants that are sleep deprived, miserable, and fast-aging.
Besides showing that an accountant is welcome at a company, ID badges also tend to confer perks. As mentioned, these perks include free parking, cafeteria access, and clearance for restricted areas.
Accountants tend to be reluctant to give up ID badges they’ve received. These represent battles fought and won on past assignments.
If you see an accountant with many ID badges, you should compliment them and act surprised that they have such an impressive collection. It’s especially endearing for an accountant when someone asks them about a well recognized company that they have access to.
#45 Office Pranks, What are your favorites?
Aug 5th, 2009 by pfi
A major pastime of accountants is office pranks. While this post can’t do justice to all the great pranks out there, it can serve as a basic primer.
As seen on The Office, office pranks are a daily reality that make the work environment tolerable. It can be argued that more energy goes into planning pranks than getting workpapers done.
Office pranks are especially fitting as everybody can make a great target. Accountants tend to be especially mean to new hires who are eager to help out and make a good first impression. You can tell an accountant has a good working relationship when they pull pranks on their own boss (and vice-versa).
Pranks range from harmless to malicious. An example of a harmless prank would be getting someone to fax you over a whole ream of paper because you “ran out.”
Accountants can turn everyday busy work into great pranks. Having someone foot a schedule that can’t be footed is a great one. This is an especially good prank when the work returns w/o/e and accountants discover they have a ghost ticker on their hands.
The general rule is that the more people involved in a prank, the better the prank. This is due to the strong negative correlation between productivity and enjoyment (i.e. as less work is done, the better time everyone has).
If you’re working with accountants for the first time, you need to be wary. Another tip, if the accountants you work with consistently pull great pranks, you know you’re working with top tier people.
Post your favorite pranks in the comments.
Staples City
Jul 26th, 2009 by pfi
When an accountant (or in this case, an artist) has too much free time (typically during training) and copious amounts of office supplies, this can happen:
Artist Peter Root has created a detailed cityscape over a mirror using staples.
Low-Rise is a precarious assemblage of thousands of free-standing stacks of staples densely tessellated to create a city-like mosaic. Like a city, the staples are subject to the elements, on a micro scale. The slightest breath or vibration and the domino effect kicks in.
(Via Gizmodo)