#34 Saying the Opposite
Mar 30th, 2009 by pfi
It is well known that accountants like to express the opposite of what they truly mean.
For example, “You’re working on deferred revenue this quarter” is met with:
“Awesome, that is going to be so much fun.”
As much “fun” as working on an under-budgeted area and eating hours is, it actually is not fun. The same goes for dealing with certain people in the office who have become an accountant’s “favorite” person.
So you can see how this works. It’s all a game of delusion for accountants to hate their work less. Making the 8AM meeting a “kickoff and brainstorming session” sounds better than a “teleconference where everything is the same as last year.”
Accountants can be incredibly sarcastic and biting with their remarks. You’ve never known true hatred of one’s job until you’ve hung out with an accountant after work.
If you’re dealing with an accountant who tells you that they are going to have a great day working with others, you should already know that this is code for “another horrible day working with utterly incompetent people.” You should be worried however when an accountant tells you that their day is going to be bad. When an accountant is going through enough crap that they won’t bother to disguise the truth, you should watch out.
Here are just a few more phrases that should immediately tip you off:
- Looking forward to it
- It’ll be like vacation
- It’s practically done
- Thank you
Hah, practically done means: “Looked at it, probably won’t be a big deal, been on facebook and fmylife for 4 hours, I’ll get it to you by EOD.”
Try saying:
“Perhaps I can work late”
Instead of:
“And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?”
Try saying:
“I love a challenge”
Instead of:
“This job sucks.”
I <3 the “Swearing at Work” viral email.
My personal favorite is when I hear what a wonderful opportunity something will be… wonderful opportunity = the worst job going on in the next 6 months.
I completely agree with Meredith; we always proceed after being delegated some lousy task with, “Well, it will be a great learning opportunity.” What the person really means is, this is going to be a true test of my self-control not to completely flip out and jump through a window.
Others that make that list:
“I’m living the dream.”
“I’m really impressed with your tie-out.”
“The client’s calculation makes sense to me.”
My favorite is when told, “it should be pretty straight forward.”
Meaning: “good luck, it’s next to impossible.”
Me and my co-workers always joke about jumping off a nearby parking structure (as some one else did a few weeks ago. Probably also an accountant). But in reality if I’m still doing this in 10 years It will no longer be a joke.
“Can you help me with this?” seems to mean one of two things.
1) The thing I’m working on is so F’d up that I don’t have a clue, and neither will you, but if I can get you to also put work into it, then I can blame you when the fecal matter hits the rotating air mover…
2) I know the answer, but I’m pretty sure you don’t and I just want to show my superiority by making you waste several hours of your time, while I laugh behind your back…
“The audit’s practically done…we just need to document it.”
/credo
lol @ #8
I find as busy season drags on I get more and more favorite people who send me more and more love letters.
The last reply made me laugh out loud, but when I thought about it further I think the post meant to say: As busy season flys by I get more and more favorite people who send me more and more love letters.
Busy season drag on? Never! (Gulp).
It only flys by the alst two weeks for me. The first month drags on with no days off.
[…] When you see a review with statements about “a challenging opportunity,” “enjoyed working with the team,” and “glad to help out over the weekend,” you know the accountant is saying the opposite. […]
Every time they say, “You should finish this in a week.” Generally means it’s a nightmare that no one wants to touch.
At PwC you hear your “doing a great job” or are a “team player” and then the next thing you know you are being fired. Do NOT trust this firm or any of it’s peeps.
Oh come on Pink Slip…getting out of the big 4 one way or another is an absolute blessing. Out for three months myself, voluntarily mind you, and its been AMAZING. Life really can be good.
I wish you luck on your search.
I agree with everything from this article.
“You’ve never known true hatred of one’s job until you’ve hung out with an accountant after work.” – Epic FMco-worker